The last couple of days have been tough. I wouldn’t go as far as to say my heart is breaking, but it definitely hurts. A dull to insistent ache that’s been ever present. The lonely is settling in. Making itself comfortable in my space. Taunting me.
I don’t want to be sad though. Is it everyone too or just me but when i am sad i engage a sense of nobility in the emotion. Mostly to feel i am above whatever causes me pain. Mostly to hide the fact that i am human and i hurt.
Music man
He dances with his words. He dances with his mind. He dances with my body. He dances to music and you feel lifted. In that moment all you can do is look at him laugh, listen to him whisper something in your ear, feel him caress the small of your back and fall. He dances like no one’s watching, i guess that’s part of the charm. He dances like we are the only two people in the room. The only two people listening to that song, the people it was written for. When we get home, you want to show him what he taught you. About dancing, about life; about being carefree.
Boy do i show him.
Better.
I’ve had an obsession with self actualization for a long time. At no point in time have i ever been what i feel should feel like myself. My biggest let down has been my nature. In its simplest form it’s the fact that i will post something on here and delete it after a few days. I don’t even have an inflated sense of how many people read these and how important they are, or that they change lives or whatever; i wish i could write to change lives, but this is the meaningless shit i can come up with at the moment. Nevertheless, i am not too proud of them.
These past few weeks however have taught me a lot. I won’t say it’s the new year change fever because i sincerely feel like i was a rock under pressure and this was a long time coming. I’m not a diamond, but i am better.
