Sadness

The last couple  of days have been tough. I wouldn’t  go as far as to say my heart is breaking, but it definitely  hurts. A dull to insistent ache that’s  been ever present. The  lonely  is settling in. Making itself  comfortable  in my space. Taunting me.
I don’t  want to be sad though. Is it everyone  too or just me but when i am sad i engage a sense of nobility in the emotion. Mostly to feel i am above whatever causes me pain. Mostly  to hide the fact that i am human and i hurt.

Music man

He dances with his words. He dances with his mind. He dances with my body. He dances to music and you feel lifted. In that moment all you can do is look at him laugh, listen to  him whisper something in your  ear, feel him caress  the small  of your  back and fall. He dances like no one’s  watching, i guess that’s  part of the charm. He dances like we are the only two people in the room. The only two people  listening  to that song, the people it was written  for. When we get home, you want to show him what he taught  you. About dancing, about  life; about  being carefree.
Boy do i show him.

Better.

I’ve  had an obsession  with self actualization for a long time. At no point in time have i ever been what i feel should feel like myself. My biggest let down has been my nature. In its  simplest form it’s  the fact that i will post something on here and delete  it after a few days. I don’t  even have an  inflated sense of how many people read these and how important  they are, or that they change lives or whatever; i wish i could write to change lives, but this is the meaningless shit i can come  up with at the moment. Nevertheless, i am not too proud of them. 
These past few weeks however have taught me a lot. I won’t  say it’s  the new year change fever because i sincerely  feel like i was a rock under pressure and this was a long time coming. I’m  not a diamond, but i am better.